fear... namelessness... facelessness... and faith...

i have been a person who only shows so much...who lives in a life of smoke and mirrors... i had so many lives i had issues keeping track of them... so many webs of lies... trying to keep them all together... Todd Finney... Preacher... Joker... and the list goes on and on... i remember going to the WI Dells with some friends when i was about 16...  well one night me and one of the guys were wandering around... we were checking out some really cool classic cars in a lot close to where we were camping... well... someone thought a couple of kids wandering around a car lot late at night was suspicious... and called the cops... the cop shows up and ask for our names... my friend gave his first... and then it was my turn... i had multiple warrants out for various issues i had had... so i gave my 'name'... birthdate...social... i remember him looking at me on the way back... because the name... birthdate and social i gave the cop... were not mine... well they weren't Todd Finney's but they did legally check out to a guy who fit my description to a T... no pun intended... heh... his fingerprints... if he ever would have been fingerprinted were the same as mine... even at 16 i was not me... i was someone else... one thing that came to light today... for one reason or another... many of us create aliases... some of us... many of them... til i got rid of them all... i could 'legally' assume the identity of 4 seperate people... not including myself... i also had street names... and noms de plume since i wrote alot too... yeah... the funny thing i found... for me... i lost myself in those names... all of those names... i now pretty much go by 2 of them... Preacher... cuz... well... i'm used to it... and i was always least defined by that one... and Todd... i still get those days where someone will call out... 'Hey Todd'... and i don't recognize it as them calling me... the thing i realized... we can get lost in our names... we let them define us to points of insanity... who we are... how we think... how we act... many of the folks i know have lost their names along the way... and yet they have adopted other names that seem to fit them better... the funny part of that... it happens... and sometimes the name fits us better... Saul becomes Paul... and so on and so forth... heh... i got one guy who is intent on calling me Michael lately... haven't figure that one out yet... not Mike... or Mikey... or Mickey... Michael... he don't even know why he does it... lol... either or... we all take on things and refuse to face things or find solitude in that... i guess when it comes down to it... i am whut i am and that's all that i am... hehehe... for whatevere reason we do whut we do... let it be for the reality that weare who we are... and not because our name... face... or lack of defines us... LLLAKYFOTPA