...so... i found Christmas...

...i went thru the day... enjoying it... watching Bubba just act like a kid... that was a great thing... and i enjoyed it... but it just wasn't there... i could feel it... i had surrounded myself with the spirit... i had been a santa of sorts... i had sang the songs... eaten the cookies... said the words... and tried to fake it til i make it... beat the scrooge away... and it just wasn't working... not sleeping... not eating right... not really... just going thru the motions... and sinking inside... losing myself... just existing in the season... trying to just cling to it... and yet... it just wasn't there... we headed down to DDC... bringing Christmas to the homeless... and i still wasn't in it... Bubba was great as usual... and all of the volunteers were a blessing... and just had a decent time... and still i couldn't feel it... it was so dang elusive... and then i stepped out for a cigarette... outside were 3 men... just talking... laughing... and being... i wanted to laugh... and all i could do was stand and stare blankly... slowly watching the snow fall outside... as i passed them i said excuse me... one of the guys in a new york accent said 'you should say that, do u know who he is?!'.. my hackles went up... great... Christmas night and i'm gonna get into a fight... 'no, i'm sorry who is he?'... the guy with the ny accent said why this is Two Wheeler Greg... he's gonna be a host for the new homeless tv show... and this is gonna be his sidekick... Larry the angry wheelchair guy'... i didn't know whut to say... wasn't sure how to take it... and then Larry chimed in... 'hey Tommy... will you shut the f*** up?!'... to which Tommy(ny accent) replied... 'see i told u he's angry... (then without missing a beat flew into a Jewish mother's voice) now Larry u know they're not gonna let u on national tv with words like that'... as a grin started to spread across my face Two Wheeler Greg said... 'yeah... and that's Tommy Bags... he's our publicist... as u can see... he ain't that good at it yet since were alll now homeless due to his lack of being able to promote us'... i started to laugh... after that it was an hour of sitting with those 3 guys... just like old friends... goofin' around like old friends would... Bubba even came over and got in on it... we had a blast... we sat there and laughed... all 3 of them had such wonderful senses of humor... we planned a bus route for Larry The Wheelchair Guy to take tomorrow to see his son... his son  lives close by but has also been hurt by the recession and lost his vehicle... so they hadn't been able to see each other for a while... we talked about everything... like guys who had known each other forever... we laughed about the ironies of life... we talked about our children and relationships... it was magical... in a place on the edge of society and existence i had found Christmas... time came when Two Wheeler Greg had 2 go... he had won the lottery... there is a shelter close by that has 20 beds... real beds... not a jailhouse mattress on the floor(DDC can fit more people inside with the mattresses on the floor, and when it comes down to it, for the amount of people it has to house, it is necessary)... you would have thought that he had won the powerball... just for a chance to sleep in a real bed... and that's when it hit me... it wasn't that the Christmas spirit had missed me... i had missed it... what it is really about... i know that i had said it over and over again... and yet i hadn't listened to my own words... i had found Christmas... in a homeless shelter... on Christmas day... So to Tommy Bags, Two Wheeler Greg, and Larry The Wheelchair Guy... thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me the best present of the year... my Christmas spirit...  I love each and every one of you and God does too! LLLAKYFOTPA XD