Trials and Tribulations

     I have decided to place my personal writings in Papabear's Den and write work related things into Stories of Hope. I have gotten away from writing lately for personal reasons, well, let's face it, sometimes life gets too busy. For me, one of the first thing I tend to do is focus on other things than my own issues. Why do we do that? I like to think because when standing outsside the box we are sometimes able to better address the issues, the problem with that is that I tend to lose focus on what I ned to do for myself. Sometimes, it is easier to 'dodge' my personal issues. I have been called the 'artful dodger', if something starts slowing or becomes difficult, that I will grab another task that waits in the wings to attack and let the other task become stagnant. The issue with that is that if the issue is not properly addressed, or properly wrapped up so that it can be adequately shelved, it becomes an anchor and not just a shelved item. It can not only become an issue, but can actually stunt forward progression or growth.
     I love my job, I get to be with people and hopefully help them along with the problems or issues at hand, the issue with that, I sometimes have to rip open my ribcage and stare directly into my own fears and past issues on a daily basis. Which can be a good thing, if I let myself look into it and conceptually work at it, but if I take that festering wound and attempt to cover it, without not only addressing it, but taking the time to take out the infection, use the proper salve, and then let it begin to heal, it can become infected and begin to become a larger problem than it was originally. I was once asked, 'what does it take to do what I do?', the best answer I could have at the time, 'be able to have your heart broken 1000 times a day'. Well, in that, there is alot of truth, but at the same right, it can be overwhelming at times. This is one of these times.
    I have not been at the shelters much lately, I have been out in the streets and campgrounds mostly, 'campgrounds?' you may ask. Yes, campgrounds, there are hundreds of campgrounds around the cities, not city or state areas dedicated to swimming, campfires, volleyball, and such, but places, some so close that if you looked hard enough, you would be suprised. I will not give out any locations of such camps, but I will tell you that I have stood in campgounds not only in the cities, but I have yet to find one suburb that doesn't have some type of campsite. Yep, that's right, I have been throughout the metro suburbs and stood in campgrounds. The difference? The city seems to be mostly single adults. The suburbs? Families, yep, families. Too often I have heard the story, mom lost her job, but that was ok because dad still had his, then dad lost his job, we lost the house, and here we are. Why? because, I felt a need to make necessary connections there. My feeling was only accentuated when one of the folks who works for a local shelter asked me, 'Where have you been? I haven't seen you around.'. I replied that I had been in the camps, at which point they asked how many camps. I told them apporximately how many camps and how many people. To that they replied, 'What are they gonna do this winter?! We are already turning people away, and it's summertime, what are we going to do this winter?!'. To which I replied, 'Exactly'.
     Every year, in the most prosperous nation in the world, people freeze to death. How is that possible? How can I be talking about winter on a beautiful August day? I have been letting this fester since the first cool breeze came in from Canada a short while ago. Reflecting on one of the many stories told to me by the brothers and sisters I have met along the way. One of my brother's sat with tears in his eyes and told me how all of the shelters were full, emergency and regular. So, when the MN deep freeze hit, a week of sustained double digit negatives, he was 'lucky' enough to have enough blankets and sleeping bags to hunker under in the abandoned trailer of a semi truck. He would only venture out for a few short minutes to grab ice and snow to put it in his thermos so he would have water, urinating in a bottle under the blankets so he would not be exposed to the elements and 'holding it' as long as he could each time for the other, so he would not be exposed to the elements. Now, I know what many of you are thinking. You may be thinking of the stereotypes that you think of in homelessness. Let me tell you, my brother is so far from that, 14 years ago he was a bike courrier who was hit by a cab while working, it actually made the paper and he carries the story around with him. The cab company settled with him at a standard that most of us would scoff at, but for him, a minimally educated man, who just worked hard and lived minimally, it seemed like a windfall, even if it left him permanently disabled. Now, he lives in a campground, after last winter he has spent most of his summer 'preparing', since for him, 'there's no end in sight, other than death'.
    Worst part, that's just one of the many stories of those who are getting ready for winter. So, in that, this is one of the thousands of reasons that I do what I do. I love each and every one of you and God does too. LLLAKYFOTPA