In the past few days I have been privileged to see a shift in much of the goings on at the DDC. I have been moved in so many ways, my heart being broken every single day, and never for the same person or situation. In that, I have seen great and wonderful things happen. I haven’t had much time to blog, my laptop is not working too well, and so the only place I can blog is in the office, and my time there, has been fleeting lately. Before I started this journey, my pastor pulled me aside and asked me, ‘Are you ready to go all in? This is a 24/7 job, and I just want you to be ready for that, but now you will be able to walk in my shoes.’ That last sentence reverberates through me at times, not the ‘walk in my shoes’ part, but the 24/7 part. It has been a 24/7 job. My phone rings at all hours, I can be called away at all hours, and the funny part, I love it. God always gives me time for the things in life that He places importance in. I’m not saying that it doesn’t get overwhelming at times, but I choose to remember a two quotes, one from Mother Theresa that I love, ‘God never gives you more than you can handle, I only wish He didn’t trust me so much.’ and one that just came to me when I have been asked a question that seems to be the one that I am asked the most, or when someone comments on things that go on, ‘I just wake up, God does the rest.’ He is the one who carries me through my day every day, and my only job is to let Him do His. In that, like I have said before, He has made many great and wonderful things happen.
The other day, I ran into an old friend, at the shelter. At one time in our lives we would spend some of the hours of our days talking sports, all types, and all aspects. He would talk of his family, especially his loving wife. I sat there that morning, our study had been on how all of God’s plans were perfect, how we can only see so far, but He can see into eternity. As we were finishing this up, a man walked over to us to say hi, I had seen him before, so many times, and he had always looked so familiar to me, but I just had figured I had seen him on the streets, but when he said, ‘Hello’, it hit me. I knew that hello, I had heard it over and over again, it had been 20 years, but I would know that intonation anywhere. It was Tim, my heart broke. How could this man be here? What had happened?! I sat in stunned silence, so many questions running through my head. I didn’t know what to do. I just stared at him, and he at me, I could see the wheels turning in his head, but he couldn’t make the connection. I looked a little different 20 years ago, and so did he. I wanted to ask so much, and yet I was afraid. I don’t know why, I sometimes forget that nothing is coincidence; everything is part of the plan. I kept on feeling the need to say something, but I just felt ridden by anxiety for the moment.
A little while later, I walked out the side door, and there he was, headphones on, listening to music, and just staring off into the distance. I took my chance. ‘Do you remember me?’ I quickly asked. ‘We knew each other about 20 years ago, we used to talk sports for a couple of hours once a week.’ As he looked up, I saw that he remembered, he stood up and hugged me in a great bear hug. ‘I do remember you, how have you been?’ We quickly started talking about things, and then the time came for the question. ‘What happened Tim? What happened in your life that you ended up here.’ As soon as I asked, his eyes welled up. ‘Yeah, I suppose you would probably wonder that.’ I watched this great hulk of a man slowly sit down. ‘My wife got sick.’ I could see and feel his pain; When I had known him before and we had our talks, it would be over and over about how much he loved his wife 20 years ago. How wonderful she was and how blessed he was that a woman like her could love him. I had never met her, but with how much Tim had talked of her back then I remember how his eyes would light up and dance as he touted about how lucky he was to have a woman like her. ‘She got sick,’ he quietly repeated, ‘the doctors said that it would only be a matter of time, and all we could do for it was to medicate her to keep her out of pain and wait.’ I sat in silence; I had been struck mute by the shock of it. ‘After a while the insurance wouldn’t cover it, and she was in so much pain, all I could do was do everything I could to come up with the money for her meds, and take all of the time off of work that I could. She would sit there and hallucinate from both the disease and the meds.’ He quietly said. I couldn’t fathom what it would be like to see this happen. ‘She would sit in her chair, rocking back and forth, her arms and legs would spasm in the last few months, she’d be sitting there and then all of a sudden she wouldn’t be able to stay still, she wanted to stay still, but she couldn’t. By that time she was hallucinating so bad.’ My heart was being ripped to pieces as I could see this man living this over and over in his head. ‘Did you see that cat run under the Christmas tree’ she’d say. He got really quiet at that moment. ‘I’d say, ‘Honey there is no cat.’ and she replied, ‘oh’ and would go back to rocking.
I sat in a stunned silence, as he continued. ‘Then one night, she was feeling better, she didn’t have to take too many of her meds, and she seemed like she was on an upswing. So I got her dressed and we went out on the town. We just went out and did whatever we wanted to do, and we had a blast, that may be the best 8 hours of my life. We didn’t have a care in the world.’ As he said this, his voice trailed off. ‘…and when I woke up the next day, she was gone.’ My eyes welled up, and I could feel just truly how deeply his love for his wife ran. ‘After that, I had nothing left, no money, my job let me go right after that, and here I am, I wish God had just taken me too.’
Words cannot explain the rest of it, other than we prayed, and the Holy Spirit touched my brother Tim that afternoon. The funny part, this is not the story, this is only the lead in to the story, but I will save that story for another day as there are places I need to go and folks that will be waiting for me when I get there. To surmise the second part of this though. God has been using Tim in some great and wonderful ways in the past week, and I just stand in awe at a man who can survive all of this, and rise from the ashes. I love each and every one of you and God does too. LLLAKYFOTPA
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